This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
