Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize