I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
