I accidentally had phone sex last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
