You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
