Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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