Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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