so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
