U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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