I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
