I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize