hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
