tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
