**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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