Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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