Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
