stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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