Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
