We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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