whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
