I wannas sexs uuuuu
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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