are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
