Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
