I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
