I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
