You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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