My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
