Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last time i carry you out of a forest
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
