I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
