I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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