all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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