new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
