They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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