i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
