Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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