So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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