i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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