I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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