Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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