My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
