:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
