my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
