just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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