If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
