Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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