I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
