i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I love having hate sex.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's the barista slut.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
