garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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