I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize