Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize