I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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