I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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