Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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