Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
