There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
