Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
