They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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