omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
