Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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