Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
