oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
