We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
