she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
