no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
