Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
