i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
