would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
