kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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