I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
4 words: hood of his car
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
