i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
