I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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