woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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