I wish life had little blips of pornography
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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