I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
