or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
