do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
