I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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