Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
