two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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