Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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