Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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