Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
