Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
