Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
