and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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