Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
