we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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