i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
