I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
