I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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