i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
