so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need moral support for this bender
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
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