she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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