she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are the jesus of drinking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
