i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
