Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
