So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
