Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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