hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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