So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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