You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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