I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize