I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
