my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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