my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
